I'm down to my last cigarette

Gonna smoke it down, and try to forget

I know i could make it through the night

If i could only get a light

-- Blues Traveler "Can't Get a Light"

Smoke 'em if you got 'em, baby! This was one of my stocking stuffers from Santa, aka my parents. I know, sick kind of gift, but these are the same people who gave me a mannequin for Christmas in 2001 and have also given me a real coffin for our annual Halloween party. I was telling my parents about a nebulous childhood memory involving a vending machine that sold toys, from which we purchased a small smoking monkey. Dad remembered the incident and couldn't track down the monkey, but did find this smokin' number. The girls love it, and ask questions like "Is the baby finished it's cigarette yet?" or "can we make him smoke again?". Probably not the best role-modeling for the Short People. I should have a talk with them about the evils of tobacco.

All right, this is for Clare...what do we name him? Everybody please send a suggestion. This baby needs a moniker, especially for when he enters rehab. How can you participate in group therapy if you don't have a name?