Wednesday, March 28, 2007

If I had ever been here before I would probably know just what to do.

Don't you?
If I had ever been here before on another time around the wheel
I would probably know just how to deal
With all of you.
And I feel
Like I've been here before...

-- Crosby Stills Nash and Young "Deja Vu"

Do you ever feel like raising children is just one big scene from "Groundhog Day"? I have the same conversations with the Short People EVERY FREAKIN' DAY. To illustrate, a typical trip in the car goes a little somethin' like this:

ME: "Okay, everybody hop in. No India, that's Katie's side. Wrong side, India. This is your seat. Hop in. Hop in. Hop in!"
SP: (Lots of standing there staring at the car doors with blank expressions, running far into the yard, picking dandilions.)
ME: "Let's sit in our seats. Sit down. Sit down. SIT!! Kate. sit. on. your. bottom. (said through clenched teeth)"
SP: (standing up in car seats or milling around in the floorboard) "What's this thing in the floor, Momma?" "Can we have a Tic Tac?" "I want to hear 'Willin'!" "No, I wanna hear that sad song!" "Where are we going?"
ME: "EVERYBODY please sit in your seats. No, you can't have a Tic Tac. We are listening to the radio. We're going to grocery store...."
SP: "I can't hear the radio" then "unitelligible gibberish" only audible to dogs.
ME: turning down the radio "I can't hear you. Can you speak up please?"
SP: "unitelligible gibberish" only slightly louder this time.
ME: turning the radio off "I. can't. hear. you."
SP: "Can we have another Tic Tac?"
ME: "I'm driving, girls. I can't hand anything back to you."
SP: "I can't hear the radio!"
ME: turning the radio back up "can you ask nicely? Thanks."
SP: "unintelligible gibberish"
ME: "If you keep talking to me when the radio is on I can't hear you. Do you still want the radio?"
SP: "Yes!" then "MOMMY!!!!! I need unintelligible gibberish"

Where is the learning curve? Why must we do this EVERY DAY? Do they ever learn to get into the car and their seats without seven or eight prompts? Will they ever even figure out which car seat is theirs? Do they ever realize that I cannot hear them over the radio? They are plenty loud at home; why do they speak in a whisper in the car?

It's a good thing they are cute. And they have been extra cute this week. I think they are relieved to have their Mommy back. These are some of the bon mot from the last few days.

Kate: "There's the stool (school) that's full of pimientos (this one took me a while, but I realized she meant asbestos)"

India: "Momma, I broke my elbow during the war of 1812 and I died" (? I have no idea...don't ask)

Kate: "I had a little mad on my face when they wouldn't give me a turn in the wagon"

India: I know what that sound is; he's playing a hormonimonica"


TheArthurs said...

Nice to see you normal, slightly angsty, oh-so-entertaining posts again. Welcome back.

The Turmanators said...

And nice to have the Arthurs back too! Hope you are settling in nicely (With your whirlwind organizational skills I'll bet you have every box unpacked...or at least a list planning how to do so).

TheArthurs said...

Not even close, but thanks for the vote of confidence!

Auntie said...

Love the new layout! Can't wait to see you guy's this weekend!

Becca said...

Here I am stopping by. I hope you like cookies and coffee...that's what I always bring over...thanks for stopping by my place!